a very touching letter
The following letter was translated from Spanish to English and email from a dear friend of mine.--Deedee
You are still lucky in so many ways, at least you have your family around you no matter how few they maybe. You have your mother, your husband and your son behind you regardless of what happens. I grew up poor and the only thing that I had with me growing up was my will and my determination to take myself out of the gutter from utter poverty. I have picked myself up with the help of higher education and came here to America and to tell you I have withdrawn all the roots that I thought I had in the motherland. Everything I have that you see is the product of my own sweat and exhaustion.
My heritage is rich in which I shall always carry in me with so much pride but whatever drip of blood that I have left in my hometown has dried out and lost its passage and linkage to me. In a way, I am my own island now, if ever that something may arise unexpectedly, I have designated no one but you to handle all my final arrangements. I know I do sound morbidly dreadful but life do take its natural course in an untimely manner. I say I am prepared whenever that maybe.
I have no one to turn to when things fold on me. I do have friends but the length of their loyalty is somewhat questionable. I have used my looks and my brains to get to where I am. I am fulfilled materially but my soul is lacking of something that I can put my finger on. Happiness my friend has been evasive to me lately. God, what I would give for a good laughter with so much JOY right now.
Like you I have had my share of heartaches and sorrows but at least you had people around you to embrace you in times of your sadness, that my friend was scarce when I was in my lowest point. In a way I have patterned myself after you, though no two people are alike my philosophy in life however was learnt from you. I do question sometimes if I were to blame for my failed relationships. But looking back I know that I have given so much of my soul and myself for my life to work the way everyone expected me to be.
I am so close to resorting to substance that shall temporary alleviate me from my pain yet frightened with the consequences that may bring me physically and mentally. One thing for certain that I wish not to happen and I hopethat I shall always have it is my mind. Cliché as maybe but mind really is a powerful thing to waste, or something to that effect.
Today I may stand tall and take pride of the person that I have become, but in reality there is this lonely soul inside me that yearning to scream for the attention that I have always long for in my entire life. I wish to think that I am a good person, in fact I am maybe too good and way too generous to people. I give without any expectations of reciprocations but in my heart I cry so silently with pain that is bearing my soul to the endless pit of suffering. I am grateful for the few people in my life that I can count on to listen to me but I am afraid that I shall soon exhaust my welcome in your heart. Thank you my friend for listening to all of my gripes but I do hope that my pain shall soon savour its last breath in my existence.
con todo carino,
Sasha
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