I cannot remember how long has it been since I last walked the gray forest of New York City. Today was especially cold; the brisk breeze brought by the arctic wind was invigorating. I walked pass the many street vendors selling from everything to nothing to unsuspecting visitors of the city in this time of the year; and from time to time I stopped to view the splendour of the store windows. My wandering feet took me to middle of Central Park there I saw an empty bench where I parked my exhausted legs. I watched the glee from people’s faces passing by; and from time to time exchanging hellos and goodbyes. I could not help but noticed a couple sitting from a nearby bench; there they were entangled like grape vine to the garden’s lattice. I watched them like I was watching the stars up above during starless night, never missing a single move. The lady could not have been more than 30 years of age and the bloke was probably of the same age. She was so entrenched by him, listening to his animated stories. She was a picture of a woman so deeply infatuated, so much so that I could hear her telling him “I love you” every few minutes. I was waiting for his response and reaction every time she showed him her overflowing affection but not a word of gentleness and passion was ever uttered by him. I continued on to watch them with great sadness; so much so that I felt a tingling pain down inside my chest. Before I knew it, I felt a warm stream of water running down my face, before I could react my vision was cloudy and my throat felt lumpy. I looked down as if I dropped something to avoid the inquiring eyes of the passersby. I wanted to leave as I could not stand the cold weather but I realised the one thing that froze me was the non existing warm reaction of the man.
I do try so greatly to ignore what I see and block the feelings I feel for others, but no matter how ferocious my resistance could be, there I always submerge myself in the pain of others. Could it be the fact that I saw myself in that lady? Where I gave and give so much love and affection but expected nothing in return or seldom do I get it reciprocated. It is hard for me to fathom how callous people can be. How much honesty really is there these days? I love you a simple word yet so powerful. Though it is uttered to me so rarely, I thrive on it with so much joy when I hear it. I could count the scarcity of the word being heaved to me whilst growing up, and whenever I heard it, I leaped and bounced with so much elation. My euphoric state could be felt even in days to come. Smile so endless because of a simple word. Years had gone by; I am now in my thirties. I thought I would have out grown my incessant devotion to the word but here I am still so passionate and still feeling the power of the word that envelopes my whole being. I have suffered pain and aches so greatly from not so distant past, so much so that I was afraid that I have lost my heart to my tormented soul. Yet, as I discovered though anguished with so much misery, there lies the endless love inside my broken heart. Amidst the treachery I have endured from others, the love I feel inside was untouched and flows so freely.
We all want to be loved and devoted to. Say I love you to the one you love today for you may not have a chance to say it then.
--Deedee
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