A "Myth" about Cabingcolan

This is a myth about Cabingcolan, my barrio. I want to share this story which I heard from my Lolo Ilas Cisnero a tale which still   lingers in my mind.

Probably between 1915 to 1923, baseball was still the most popular sport in our country and in the USA. The most important player then was Babe Ruth..Today Basketball is supreme and Michael Jordan is the "King.." But let's go back to the baseball in Pangasinan circa 1920's..

The most popular baseball players in Pangasinan were the four Ramos brothers: : Berting (Felixberto), Eng, Eping (Jose) , and Nador. Nachong, Fidel's father was not included this time because he was busy with social commitments.The Ramos brothers were in the Asingan Team. The elite team in Pangasinan at that time was Lingayen.

My lolo said, Lingayen has always been the yearly champion. Then the Pangasinan baseball league took place in Asingan, at the the "Rancho Carpo Velasco" (Bangkag).. . The town plaza was not big enough for the Major League tournament. . Everybody was surprised when the Asingan Team won the league, beating the elite team from Lingayen. Everyone hardly believed this remarkable achievement of the Asingan Team, so there was a re-match. They won for 2nd time!. The league was held in summer time around March or April. The vicinity to be used for the baseball league was already planted with crops ready for the next season. But the Asingan baseball fans stepped on all the crops and flattened them, just so they can watch the game!

One of the Ramos Brothers named this South Westside area of Poblacion Cabingcolan. . My lolo Ilas did not mentioned who among the Ramos brothers give it such a name. Before, I thought Cabingcolan came from the word Bingcol which means earthworm defecation( Humus), but I was wrong. And so Cabingcolan became the favorite hang-out of the the Ramos Brothers . They became very close friends to the Aquinos and Carlos families in the community, They bought a piece of property from the Aquino Family next to the subdivision and it became the present site of 2 houses; one for Fidel and the other for his sister Leticia Shahani..

The Cabingcolan Youth Organization was then created and it became very active after World War II ( from the 50's, up to the 90's). I was elected as a Vice president of the CYO in early 1980. I have'nt heard anything from the organization and I do hope it still exists. This story is based on some tales from my late Lolo Ilas Cisnero, If you have something to add or a different version story please come forward and e-mail it to me so I will be corrected. Thank you and Happy blogging!

Arsenio Macanas

ONCE UPON A TIME...part 2

Not many of the younger Asinganians would know that Patrick Stewart, the Enterprise Captain of Star Trek series looked very much  like MONYANG. The eyes, the shape of the face and most of all the head. Both of them are as bald as a cue ball.... I will continue my memories of this Asinganian and his rice mill. .

 

At the back of his rice mill is a small yard where he kept two pets: an owl and a monkey..The monkey was leashed to a long chain which allowed him to go back and forth on a long and sturdy bamboo which is about roughly 6 or 7 feet long.Both ends of the bamboo were fastened to two trees. Kids those days do not know the meaning of the word privacy. In fact we haven't even heard that English word yet. So one day one of us just went through that private door and voila! it was a whole new world to us. You know how kids are fond of animals. Every afternoon, after class we would just barge in there and tease the monkey, sometimes throw him a banana. The monkey is a good catcher, like a baseball player. Or we would stare at the owl which naturally stared back. You seldom see one at daytime for these birds are nocturnal. They sleep during the day and hunt mice at night. But that fellow is in a cage, can't even fly. (At that time we do not know anything about animal cruelty). You could stare at each other for hours, waiting for the first one to blink. Strangely enough, no one rebuked us for trespassing.

 

Beyond this mini zoo is another playgroud..The "mountain" of TAEP coming out of the CONO.The mountain is quite high, sometimes it could be higher than the top of the CONO. This is where we spent hours playing, going up and jumping, pretending to be swordsmen or just playing tag while climbing and rolling down the dusty slopes. Pretty soon our hair would be coated with rice husk dusk, but nobody cared..It was fun!

 

One day, one of our female classmates heard about the zoo and the "mountain". "Wanna join us?" we invited her.." Sure!" she said..." as long as some other girls would join me.." After our afternoon class, the usual group dropped by the place, this time with 3 girls who are first timers..First they admired the monkey.."He is so cute, reminds me of one of our classmate.".said one of the girls..

Then we went to the "mountain.." Some of the boys were doing their usual stunt: they would go up the peak, then jump as far as they can down, trying to land on their feet.The landing spots are always soft of course but it takes quite a skill to land without making a spill. Then one of us told our guest MARIANA ( this is not her real name of course!).."Why dont you try?" MARIANA is beautiful, she belongs to one of the rich prominent families in Asingan.She was a "classy" kid.She never socialized with boys, especially with bums like the ones in our group.."No, no..I am scared.." she said..""There is nothing to be scared about.." You can do it!.." ..Oh, Okay"..She went up to the top.

All boys stopped what they were doing and holding their breaths, stared at her, .."Now, jump!" shouted somebody..Being her first time, she jumped just like that, landed on her feet first, then she fell on her face akwardly into the pile of TAEP..Her feet stuck up, her skirt covered her back and she immediately struggled to stand. A few of us rushed out to help her stand, asking her if she's okay.  Some TAEP stuck to her lips because she landed face down. A couple of boys started laughing. "Let's go home," she told her girl friends as she brushed her dress clean. She never cried or made any fuss.

But she did not speak to any of us the next day ( and for quite a long time ) because one of the boys blabbed the next day about the colour of her underwear when she made that jump the previous afternoon!

ONCE UPON A TIME IN ASINGAN

ONCE UPON A TIME IN ASINGAN

I grew up in Asingan during a time when there was no TV, movie theatres or any kind of electronic entertainment..In fact there was not even any electricity yet!

Some rich Asinganians at that time have radios, particularly the Chinese merchants. My bedroom is just a hundred feet away from the RICE CONO of Monyang, a soft spoken Chinese merchant who at that time was married to an elderly lady.Both of them ran the rice processing mill plus a retail store . When I was about 7 years old I always go to that store to buy snacks, especially American chocolates..! At one time, there were American chocolates in Asingan, believe it or not.. Each time I come home from the Dupac Intermediate School ( now Angela Valdez ), I always pass through the open door of the store just to see if they have some yummy chocolate bars in stock..They had Milky Way and Babe Ruth before...And Milky Way cost only 15 centavos! If I see a full jar, I would go straight to my dad and pump him for some snack money...And he is one person who can not say NO to his kids especially me.

Then at night, I could hear Monyang's radio play some of the 1950 hits ( I am narrating events that took place in the early 50s..) There is this daily radio program that goes on every 7:00 pm to 7:30 pm..Manila Hit parade..The announcer, in between jokes, would play the 10 top hits in Manila..Of course, since there are 10 songs and each song is about 3 minutes each, then he has no time to play the complete song..He would just play a part of a song, cuts it, then play some commercials..But he always play completely the 3 top tunes..I would be lying down in bed, straining my ear to the open window to listen to the program..But many, many times just before they would play the 2nd or Number one song, somebody would change the station to a Chinese Broadcast from Mainland China! I assume of course that it is Monyang, the Big Boss!

We can not afford to buy the batteries that would run the radio at that time..Food was always the priority..Transistor radios were still a few years away, so Monyang ( and some other radio buffs in Asingan ) rely on those vacuum tube radios which run on batteries..Oh those radio sets would suck DC power like vampires! You need around 30 D size batteries 10 connected in parallel and 20 connected in series...Those dry cells cost a fortune and the whole battery would be enough to buy food for 5 days! But when my Mom has extra money, she would give in to my needling her..but it is not often that I buy the cells for that antique DC powerd radio in our living room...I did the soldering myself ( I was already an electronics whiz kid at that early age ) and for a precious few weeks, we would listen to some comedies from Manila..Like Edong Mapangarap with Eddie San Jose, Sylvia la Torre and Pugo ( Mariano Contreras ) ..Togo was also his sidekick but he died earlier..Plus those hit parades that come every night, or the weekly KAPITAN KIDLAT over DZRH..Or BUHAY TSUPER every Friday evenings! After a few weeks, we notice the sound getting weaker and weaker..Sometimes we try to expose the batteries to the sun so it would boost up the power..Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't...When our radio conks out, we have to rely again on Monyang's radio..Its better than nothing and it keeps me well informed of the hit tunes in Manila which not many in Asingan would ever know...! All the other kids know only the records that the local Sound System Operators would play..Yes sir, Asingan, before the advent of electrical power, was literally living in the Dark Ages!

CATS VS. DOGS

Cats and dogs

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats



1. A dog will tilt his head and try to understand every word you say.



A cat will ignore you and take a nap.



2. A cat looks silly on a leash.



3. When you get home, a dog will be happy and lick your face.



A cat will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.



4. A dog will give you unconditional love until the day he dies.



A cat will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day
you were born.



5. A dog knows when you're sad, and he'll try to comfort you.



A cat doesn't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can
opener is.



6. A dog will bring you your slippers.



A cat will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.



7. When you take them for a ride, A dog will sit on the seat next to you.



A cat has to have her own private basket, or she won't go at all.



8. A dog will come when you call him, and he'll be happy.



A cat will have someone take a message and get back to you, maybe.



9. A dog will play fetch with you all day long.



The only thing a cat will lay with all day long is small rodents or bugs,
preferably ones that look like they're in pain.



10. A dog will wake you up if the house is on fire.



A cat will quietly sneak out the back door.

BRAVO EMMA

  Yesterday Sunday, my  grandaughter Emma performed solo at our church for the first time..Shes only 6 years old but she is one gutsy lady!  It was her 3rd time to sing in public in front of a microphone..Like any singer, she finds out it is a different experience each time you sing in public..for you also have to consider not only your feelings but also that of your audience and also their reactions..Our present parish Priest seem to want the Mass to be a psudo-social event so after the ablution ( washing of the cups used for Communion ) that's the time people in the congregation with talents can sometimes perform..But these talents come few and far between..Lots of talents out there but they are just too shy to come out in the open..But not Emma!   So after the Communion, she went with her Mom into this small room at the back of the altar with her pretty red dress...Then I knocked on her door when Father gave me the cue and she came out..walked to the microphone..I played the intro to Andrew Lloyd Webber's THINK OF ME ( From PHANTOM OF THE OPERA) and she started her song calmly, keeping on to the end with faultless tempo and pitch..It was at the 2nd last note in the cadenza ( very high G ) that the audience broke in applause...They never stopped clapping even when the Padre took her in his arms, raise her up to show her to the people! Its because she was too small for everyone to see, especially those sitting at the back...Her sister Mia was in the audience ( Mia is an accomplished singer too ) together with Caitlin ( another singer/soloist  in our choir ) stepped down to the pews so they can see her...Felt so happy, so proud..so I just went to her and kissed her on the cheek right after I stood up from the piano bench...BRAVO EMMA!

Calling all Class 58, Rizal Academy

Last Summer here in Toronto, I had a chat with former Miss Remedios Lopez one of class '58's teacher.."Why not organize a class reunion?, " she said..Nueva Domaoan was also present at that time..She seconded the idea..."Why not?" I said. So I took the first step: I published a list of the class '58 graduates copied from an original Graduation Invitation printed on that year prior to our graduation from the Rizal Academy..Please check the names and if you know the whereabout of any of these names above, please e-mail me and I will try to contact them myself..Then we will finalize the reunion, maybe here in the US or maybe in our hometown..Thank you!

feedback from Angelito Domaoan

Hi Vic: Where did you get that story of Pedro Calosa? I have a hunch that since Nene is working in the Library she must found something regarding the history of Pangasinan particularly Tayug. I remember my grandfather Alvaro Esliza talking how the original convento of Asingan was burned by rebels in connection with the Malong revolt.(Asingan has the biggest convento in Pangasinan prior to the Malong revolt) I remember my grandfather talking with an oldtimer Laki Messiong Malalang (his Godfather) during his 1st and silver wedding anniversary. He was telling that one time the convento had encircled the other half near the camarin in front of the house of my grandfather.(This building was called TABACALERA) There WAS also a caballeresa where the keep their horses. The convento, at one time was connected to the place where the priest stay to dress up before celebrating mass. Remember this story came from me which I heard from my old folks. Thanks for jogging my memory with your story on the Tayug rebelion.****** This e-mail is from my friend Angelito Domaoan an Asinganian who is now residing in New Jersey.

A BALIKBAYAN'S DIARY, part 2

Before our trip to the Philippines, I booked a hotel in Makati through the Internet. It is like making a random choice from a bevy of postcards: all of the hotel photos look beautiful. I selected Dusit because of its location..it is right at the back of SM Makati, which is just a few minutes walk away from Gloririeta and also Landmark..And also the prices of their Executive suites  was on discount  for Balikbayans.100 US$ for one night! Who couldn't refuse?..The website do not have a direct link, so I have to dial a 800 number and talk with a receptionist. We talked in Tagalog of course. In short, she booked me for an Executive Suite, gave her my VISA number just for security After I put down the phone I felt proud of myself..that is, until we arrived at the Hotel.

After the fiasco at the Manila airport ( see part 1 ), we headed to the Dusit Hotel..On the way, the driver was asking us to what Hotel we are going ..Dusit I said..How much? he asked..This driver is starting to get into my nerves asking personal questions like that. 100 US$, I said trying to be calm. Thats too expensive, he said..With that kind of money, I know of a Hotel right beside Glorrietta which would get you a whole week end..Whats the name of the Hotel?I asked. ..Oakwood, he said..Aha I said to myself. That is the building occupied once by those Military hotheads who wanted to stage a coup against the President..They planted bombs in the lobby and for a while, they made international headlines and some spot in the 6:00 PM news..That place is not even a Hotel, its a Condominium building!..Upon reaching a fork at the EDSA he said again So you want to go to Oakwood?..I will take this way going there.. Pare, I said..Our companions in the other van are going to Dusit.At this point I dont want to be losing each other again...Could you just mind your driving and bring us to Dusit?..He made a quick left turn and said OK Boss!..Tarantado..I said silently.

We finally reached Dusit..The bell hops took our bags to the designated room. I finished the paperwork and then took the keys from the Concierge. When we got to our room, I found it to be very small, hardly the Executive ones as advertised..I stormed down the lobby again.."How come you gave me that room when I asked for an Executive room which you advertised for a discounted price??" Sorry sir, there was a slight problem..There is now a big conference at the Dusit so all the Executive Suites were taken by the Delegates..Geez, we were bumped off from the rooster..Sorry sir..Then you should give me a lower price then..No sir, 100 is the real price for a standard room, cant do otherwise..Susmaryosep I muttered..havent used that word for a long time..but being a man who do not like to argue, I just left the desk..Its just a room to sleep anyway, I said to myself..When I tried to explain it to my wife (who is not as lenient as me)..she screamed "I will be the one to go down there!". No more, no more.I said, putting my foot down.I am tired, sleepy and we still have to attend to our visitors here..I tried to divert from the problem by opening one of the luggages:"Look at the goodies we have for you..!"..and the excitement of gift giving began... "HO-HO-HO, AND TO ALL,  A GOOD-NIGHT!"

PEDRO CALOSA AND THE BATTLE OF TAYUG

Calosa's early life

Pedro Calosa was born in Bauang, La Union but his family migrated to Tayug during the early part of the American Occupation. During a cholera outbreak, both his parents died. Pedro and another brother left for Hawaii where they spent the next years in hard labour working in sugar and pineapple fields. In 1926, he organized Filipino contract workers to form a union and instigated them to strike so they could demand better wages and living condition. He failed to ask for the needed reforms and he even went to jail for being such a "trouble-maker".After serving his time in prison, he was deported back to the Philippines. He transformed into a dissident ready for the role he was about to play.

He stayed a while in Manila but the city's environment did not suit his rebellious nature. He returned to Tayug, but found the town's social environment worse than Manila. Within a few months, he got into so much trouble that the PC put him under surveillance. But he was a clever fellow. The authorities were not able to gather enough evidence to put him in jail.

The Philippine National Association

In 1928, he founded a secret society called Philippine National Association. Membership in this society is so strict and secretive that the law did not learn of its existence until much later. By mid-30's about 1000 farmers were already members.

Calosa's achievement had its problems particularly his differences of opinion with some of his officers. Many of them then wanted to start the rebellion. But Pedro, having seen the American military might in Pearl Harbour wanted to wait for a while. Finally he gave in reluctantly. They chose Tayug to be the starting point of their rebellion.

The Rebellion begins

On the afternoon of January 10, 1931 Pedro Calosa and Cesario Abe ( one of his officers ) notified all their members that they are going to attack Tayug that night. The municipality is still under the stupor of the New Year's celebration. Members of the PC detachment always went to bed early.

Shortly after midnight, the houses of 2 municipal policemen in the neighbouring town of San Nicolas were burned. This was done as a diversionary tactic. It was also the signal for 40 farmers armed with nothing but boloes and old shot guns to commandeer two buses and ride to Tayug. At the outskirsts of the town, 20 or more villagers, someon foot, some on horseback converged on the Municipio. Around 1:00 am, 50 or 60 farmers ( including 14 young women ) assembled near the constabulary barracks.

One of the girls lured the lone sentry from his post and her male companions just hacked him to death. The barracks was raided completely, guns and ammo were stolen and the building was set on fire. Eight of the eleven enlisted men escaped. The officers-in-charge were shot by the rebels. By 1:30 a.m., Tayug fell to the rebels. All the townspeople, in fright, rushed to the countryside.

Tayug under the Raiders

For the next 5 or 6 hours,, the raiders dominated Tayug. The Presidencia, with its hated land records went up in flames as well as the Post Office. Looters broke into 35 houses, stripped them of valuables and then put these to the torch. When dawn blossomed over the Cordillera Mountains, the rebels walked on the still decorated streets and went to church. The rebels requested for a Mass and a breakfast right after. The priest and his helpers obliged them. One of the rebels told the priest he should leave for his own safety. The priest and his helper were just too happy to comply.Thus the rebels had nothing more to do but to wait.

Retribution came swiftly. An hour and a half after the attack on the PC Barracks, a survivor jogged into San Quintin which is about 15 kms. away. He informed a telegraph operator of the events in Tayug. And immediately, messages were sent to Dagupan and to Manila. Authorities in Lingayen responded accordingly. A large number of soldiers were sent to Eastern Pangasinan. The Philippine Division of the US Army ( manuevering in nearby Lingayen Gulf ) was placed on standby alert. Around 6:30 am, the first Constabulary detachment; fifteen steel helmeted troopers and 2 Junior Officers from Dagupan, arrived in Tayug. Thirty minutes later, carefully deployed riflemen open fired on the convento. The rebels answered with defiant gunfire.

The tide turns around

The gun battle raged for several hours. Until late afternoon, the outcome remained in doubt. There was a stalemate because good marksmen were on both sides..By evening, ammunitions on both sides were almost gone. Then 100 soldiers arrived from Manila to boost the morale and firepower of the authorities.

A witness related a dramatic end to the episode. The convento doors opened. It is said that a young woman carrying a Philippine flag over her head stepped out. At first all guns were silent. Waving the flag and marching across the plaza, she went towards the statue of Dr. Jose Rizal. For an unknown reason, as soon as she reached the statue, a volley of gunfire from the Constabulary thudered unexpectedly. The woman collapsed at the base of the monument and the flag fell on her body. The report never clarified which side killed her.A storming party entered the bullet ridden church and arrested the rebels who threw down their empty weapons. The battle of Tayug is over and Pedro Calosa was arrested.

 

E-mail chats

MR. Vic Costes.. I sense that you are a BLOGGER, I respect you that way. blogging to this bulletin board is nice especially about our hometown Asingan but as what Mr. Vic Costes said as long as they are not "slanderous" that would be fine. WELCOME BLOGGER just do it! Blog - A shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences.

**********

To Mr. Arsenio Macanas: Thank you for your kind e-mail..Yes, I started out as a blogger, then I branched out as the old-time writer/journalist/what-ever-you want to call it who learned how to use the computer. Blogging is very good, sometimes it is therapeutic(pardon me if my spelling on this word is out for lunch but my dictionary is nowhere to be found), but to be a REAL BLOGGER you have to express out ( in good grammar of course ) everything and anything your mind pops out at the exact moment when your fingers are at the keyboard..Since you are INCOGNITO at that time, then heck, you can say IN PUBLIC that Mr. ABC is running around with Mrs. XYZ who is married to Mr. So and So who seems to be in doubt about his sexuality.Or say I am getting sick of this world, too much crap in it, let me blow my brains out so I can get off.Or some other stuff which you want to shout out in cyberspace... But the Asingan Bulletin Board has its rules; we must post something which is safe even for a 12-year old girl to read. Which is good.Somewhere in the clutter of my hard drive, I still have those bits and pieces of my Blog..Do you have one too?..The best way we can do is to use hyperlinks which we can leave in the Pang.Org so readers of the Asingan Bulletin Board can access to our Blogs without using much of its precious space..Some Blog entries can take several pages you know! Anyway before signing off, I'd like to know if you are related to Brigida Macanas from Cabincolan..She and I belonged to a certain church club in the 60s in Asingan..In the meantime, Happy Blogging!

*************

To Vic Costes: So you are the professional blogger! That's good for us. We could learn from you and I can learn from the "Pro blogger". I am just a little guy from the corner. I will not even consider myself as an amateur blogger. You are right blogging should be in good grammar "in any language" but in my opinion not necessarily a very good grammar. The thought, good sense, believable entries is okey, doesn't it? I understand as a pro like you are it's sensitive. Of Course that is your profession that's respectable, but since most of us here are "INCOGNITO" doesn't matter anyway. Brigida Macanas Daroy is my Aunt. She is already a widow. Her husband Wellie Daroy pass away last year. She's living here in San Diego. By mentioned can't find the word from dictionary probably out of lunch? Try this manong.. http:\\webword.info\ that is FREE down load and if you got this, never ever think to try to open your antique dictionary book anymore. This is very powerful word finding, thousands of new words and very handy too. After the downloading it will sets up the icon to the right bottom side of the screen and also it'll be accessable anytime even the computer is busy of any application work. Just one click and you're on, good luck!

****

Hi Arsenio..I think that word does not show up because the spelling is really bad!! Sorry about that!! Nobody, including me is perfect in Spelling..But I will try to look for that @#$%^ word until I find the right spelling...Sure I will be happy to leave a few tips on blogging..but it may take time,... You know blogging is like writing a diary, just be sure the diary is interesting to read..If you think what you wrote is interesting, then for sure other people will like to read it..Sorry to note that WRITING is a dissapearing art/skill during this era of cellphones and computers...but we should not let it dissapear..I can tell by your sentences that you are a GOOD WRITER too ( takes one to spot one ) Just keep on writing as much as you can... I hate Taglish ( potpouri of English and Tagalog ) One should either write ALL English or ALL Tagalog..The text habit is also "corrupting" some young writers now..They seem to use shortcuts in text as acceptable writing..This is what I mentioned about "correct grammar", but whatever you say, people will still write the way they want to write...Am sorry to hear about your Aunt Brigida..Say Hi to her if u call her once in a while..She has a nice voice before..I think they are good friends with Flora Cisnero also from Cabingcolan.Saw Flora last 2003 when Belo Malala took me to her house in the subdivision....We belong to the same choir in Asingan..Anyways, thanks for your e-mail..til the one comes along!!

*******

Hi Arsenio...A good BLOG ( Web Log ) is nothing else but good writing. Good writing is nothing else but good communication. Good communication is nothing else but sincerity in what you are saying and effectively saying what you want in writing which brings us back again to writing which is the first topic. It appears to be similar to a dog chasing its own tail, never stops until the dog is tired. A writer ( once you are into it ) will never stop writing until he is finished with his story/article/essay or novel. A good writer must be a good reader too, a good observer and a good conversationalist. From these varied experiences come the ideas that sometimes you are compelled to express out in writing. Maybe you want to do it as a Blog..This is like writing on a building's wall because passersby will read it..Or you might like to have a private diary for your thoughts which you may or may not like to delete when the right time comes. Sometimes writing is a good therapy esp. for the lonely, the disabled, the isolated. I started writing when I was in high school at the Rizal Academy. In our first year classroom, there was a list of the students and a bar graph in front of each name showing how many books they have read. At the end of the year, you can easily guess who has the longest bar! Then there was the theme writing notebook. Every month you are asked to write an article to be finalized on a theme notebook which the English teacher corrects. You have to write it in either black or blue ink. She corrects it with red. My themes in First year English got very high marks and I became the favorite of the teacher. One time I wrote my theme with red ink and she corrected it with blue and she never got mad at me for bresking this rule! WITHOUT KNOWING IT, I WROTE A BLOG ENTRY!! Have a good day, Arsenio!

These kids remind me of me...

Science answers

Answers to Questions on Science Tests By 5th and 6th graders:



The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.



A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an aviator.



The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.



It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other
places.



Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.



Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.



The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.



The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.



Thunder is a rich source of loudness.



Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers.



In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.



When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.



One of the main causes of dust is janitors.



For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the victim is dead.



Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.



A monsoon is a French gentleman.



The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.



Rain is saved up in cloud banks.



To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.



Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.



Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.



There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.



The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.



You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

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A BALIKBAYAN'S DIARY (PART ONE)

It has been 3 years since I visited Asingan. In fact, I spent Christmas 2003 in our hometown..As always, being a Balikbayan has its ups and downs, but the UPS usually outweigh the DOWNS when you come to see it from a different perspective...

Well, I say that the plane ride is the MOST EXCITING part in any trip. Especially boarding the the Hong Kong-Manila flight.Most of the passengers will be Filipinos. They will be very noisy of course, they are hyper because in less than 1 hour, they will land on Philippine soil. And they would smell the Manila air which is unlike any other kind of smell in the world.  The stewardess who would talk on the plane's PA system would be a Filipina and she would make the usual announcements in Tagalog. To a travel-worn Filipino who spent 14 hours 33,000 feet above the air with nothing to do but stare at a TV screen or read some book or pretend to be asleep, the announcement is really heartwarming. Forty-five minutes  after the take off from Hong Kong airport, the screen map will tell you where you are, atop the island of Luzon, heading for Manila.From Vigan to Urdaneta would be about 10 minutes, and you could feel the plane descending because your ears keep popping. Then as the plane noisily descends into Manila air space you eagerly stare through the window ( if you are lucky enough to secure a seat beside one).First will be a luminous cluster that will gradually expand into a city of assorted street and billboard lights. The plane touches the runway with a final bump-and-grind then it taxis around heading towards the terminal..The stewardess announces frantically in Tagalog, "Please do not open your hand carry compartments yet, wait 'til the plane completely stops.."Do some passengers listen? No. Either they are deaf in both ears, or they just don't give a shit at all..

Once you are out of the plane and trekking through the corridors leading to the Immigration, Customs and the Baggage area, the feeling is different. You are home. You  will see a Filipino posted every few feet away along the corridor staring at you. Are these security people? Or just plain nosy standbys? Such a gauntlet do not exist in other airports like Toronto or LA..Only in Manila, you would say. Then to the Immigration booths.No sweat here . It is in the Baggage retrieval section where you would start sweating bullets, and not because the air conditioning units are off..

A certain Juan dela Cruz would approach you asking if you need help.."that is my job to help newly arrived passengers", he says. No Thank you, you would say..He never gives up..He sticks annoyingly by your side like a lost puppy. Too bad you can't kick him away with your foot. So you give up. You say OK..Fast as lightning he produces a huge cart and start helping you retrieve your baggage as they show up at the carousel. Very helpful chap. He says he is doing it for free, that's what he is paid for. He has a name tag, working forTourism or something

All baggages are recovered. Now you have to wade to the alligator pool; the customs."What did you bring?" ask the inspector sometimes weilding a cutter meaning, cooperate otherwise I will open your baggages and you will have a hell of a time putting them back together..She keeps an eye as you bring out your pass port. She would smile slightly as she sees the fiver you slide inside between some passport pages. She hands you your baggage claim tickets. You push your cart out of the wading pool before an alligator bites off another chunk out of your ass...Freedom you say silently..Ooops, not quite. A uniformed staff asks for your ticket and while she counts your boxes and checks the receipts she would discretly ask;"May Chrstmas ba tayo diyan?" Well you arrived a few days before Christmas, so she is right! You could not even swear at her. She can raise a fuss by calling an airport guard. So you hand her a dollar bill and she lets you go.

The guy who saw you first is still on your side..The people who are supposed to meet you are nowhere in sight.."Do you have a ride?..Let me call you a taxi..These are safe, we know their plate numbers.." He asks. "No, No," you say remembering some stories of balikbayans who were fleeced by crooks doubling as taxi drivers. One rode on a taxi. In the middle of the trip, the car stalled.. Can you give it a push?..asked the driver..The balikbayan got out, pushed the car, the car started then it accelerated and disspaeared in a cloud of smoke..I hate to be in that balikbayan's shoes..All of his luggages and papers together with gifts from friends in Toronto to  relatives in the Philippines..

You say NO, but still your reception committee is still nowhere in sight..Then you say YES and minutes later, the reception committee found you! You can't cancel any more your request to the guard. ..And on top of that, the Juan dela Cruz whose job is supposed to be helping newly arrived balikbayans, starts asking 1000 pesos as a Christmas gift..At this time, you begin hating the word Christmas...

(to be continued)

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WORK VERSUS JAIL
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with
some people who pee  on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...........you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and  they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ..........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers...

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Supplies

A foreman was assigned three new workers, two big strong local men, and a little guy from Japan.



Because of their size, the foreman gave the two locals the digging work, and told the Japanese man "You'll be in charge of supplies."



After an hour or so, the foreman came back to check on their progress only to find the two locals sitting down doing nothing.



"What happened? Why aren't you at work?"



The men replied that their tools were broken and that the Japanese man in charge of supplies, had disappeared.



Worried, the foreman ordered the two men outside the mine to help look for the little guy.



Just when they were about to give up the search, the Japanese guy jumps up from behind a rock andyells "Supplies!!"

MORE VIGNETTES OF ASINGAN HALLOWEEN

This is a true story; I did not include the family name of the  person involved to protect his identity. But he is already dead anyway!

I remember an incident that happened one All Souls Day during the early '50s during the time of Fr. Estrada. One of the sacristans is a guy named Ruding. He is not a very hard working chap,  sometimes he acts crazy, but a man-servant during those days is as indispensable as a vacuum cleaner. Someone has to scrub the house floors, clean the pig pen and the chicken coop and someone has to be the patsy when something is screwed up in the house!

On the side, he also was the sacristan mayor and also the campanero.Father Estrada liked him because he could play the bells in such a nice happy way esp. on Sunday mornings an hour before the start of the first Mass. Of course, he serves at Mass and during those days, Mass was recited in Latin and the alter server has to memorize all the responses in Latin.   

He accompanied Fr. Jose Estrada that particular All Souls Day afternoon..But after the last tomb was blessed, Fr. Joe  told Ruding:"You go ahead to the church, take my vestments with you. I will stay behind for a bit.."   Those were the vestments used for celebrating mass..That included the 4 -cornered hat used by priests when they perform outdoor rites like funerals or  in that afternoon,  the blessing of the tombs.   Well Ruding was as happy as a lark when he took all the vestments in one arm and started walking. But as soon as he was out of Father Estrada's sight, he put  all vestments on his person! It was already dark and once he put on the hat, nobody can tell  it is NOT the Padre walking on the street.   The straw that broke the camel's back occured  when he started running on the street which was still  full of pedestrians going home. Ruding also started flapping his arms like he was Batman! He had a black cape all right ( the outer priestly vestment ). He run all the way to the church pretending like he was Batman chasing after a criminal!   Needless to say, people reported the incident to Fr. Joe. He got furious of course and immediately he called in Ruding, gave him heck then fired him on the spot! Some people thought it was Fr. Joe who was running and he already lost all his marbles!!   He also got heck from my mother too because she is a member of the variousclubs at church and Fr. Joe is her personal friend.

Ruding left not long after and I missed him for a while because he always tell silly jokes and stories.