MORE JOKES!!..:)

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
------------
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
------------
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of  a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son." 

------------

 If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

------------

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
------------
A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
------------
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.  So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."    The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

Daily Joke:Little Jonny and his goldfish

Jonny's goldfish

Little Jonny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered
over the fence.



Interested in what the rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely
asked, "What are you up to there, Jonny?"



"My goldfish died," replied Jonny tearfully, without looking

up, "and I've just buried him."



The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,
isn't it?"



Jonny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because
he's inside your cat!"

#####

 

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit p*ssed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Well and truly p*ssed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart a*se.

You

get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .....

" A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

#############

EMMA FORBES' BIRTHDAY PARTY

 

MORE ON DOWNTOWN TORONTO

If you walk from Dundas Square going north you will pass through some of the seamiest, tackiest joints in Toronto..It looks like Quiapo alright. At first, as you walk north, you will see first class stores like HMV ( mother company is based in England ) , then Sams the Record Man, Toronto's oldest record store ( now selling only CDs and DVDs) then Future Shop (an electronic store recently bought by the Circuit City, a US Company ). Then you come to some weird looking shops that sell posters, some assorted paraphernalia, gift items they call them.Expensive junk, I call them.. Beside it is the Zanzibar. It is a strip joint with photos of busty girls in the lobby and one can hear a bit of the music playing inside. Action starts at 11:00 am which is also the official time for taverns to start serving liquor.

Zanzibar can be an experience for newcomers from the Philippines, but pretty boring for old time Torontonians. However the shows are tame compared to what you can watch outside of Toronto boundaries..The girls are beautiful, of course. Customers could tuck in their money into what bodice the girls have while they are dancing on stage. But the stage lights are mostly strong blue or red colour especially just before they remove the last shred of clothing. Then they smile, and walk away..It would take sometimes 5 or 10 mins before the next dancer appears again. And the drinks are outrageously expensive. You must have lots of money to spend and plenty of time to kill.

The signboards advertise varieties of strip dancing..There is the lap dancing. couch dancing and more recently, face dancing.. These places remind me of the Astor, Inday, King's and Dragon Theatres in the vicinity of Ongpin and Chinatown, Manila decades ago.But there was no lap dancing then. .These places were always packed. In Manila at that time, it is a shame to enter these "places of sin.." One time, I passed by the Sta. Cruz church ( I forgot the actual name already )..A sermon on the "sins of the flesh" was being broadcasted on a loudspeaker in the lobby of the church. The homilist was attacking the "dirty books, magazines and movies " which was rampant in Manila at that time. A few blocks away are the theatres I mentioned which were showing ladies local and foreign, dancing their hearts away before an SRO crowd of noisy city folks..How diverse can a city get? And it was a fun city if you dont mind some hucksters, con artists, sidewalk vendors and cars tooting their horns all the time! Tijuana, in Mexico is a cemetry compared the noise you hear in Manila esp. during rush hours in the morning and afternoon..

Across from Zanzibar on the opposite side of Yonge street are various camera and electronic stores owned mostly by Chinese or Indian merchants. Its okay to buy from these stores if you are experienced in haggling with prices. And you are well versed with the value of the goods you are buying. If not, do not buy any expensive stuff. You will surely get stiffed one way or the other with your purchases. And it is so hard returning those goods later.

The next intersection is Gerrard and Yonge. The scenery looks better. And the shops too. There is a big Apartment building with lots of stores on its ground floor. I won't mind living in an apartment like those ones. One elevator ride and you are in the center of a busy mall: you can see Dominion Grocery for your veggies and cereals, magazine stores, Winners for your clothing and other sundries. Step out and you have a beautiful well-lit park. The building by the way, is called the College Park Apartments. There is also a food court in the concourse area with various fast food stores. A fast food store selling various Asian soups is worth checking.

(PHOTOS TO FOLLOW)

THE LEGEND OF THE FIRST PEOPLE

        Bathala decided to make more people. "This time" he said, " I  will make them smaller than the first one I made".

        He took some clay and fashioned two figures: a man and a woman.  He put these inside a Great Oven. When he took them out sometime later, he found that they were not yet baked very well. Their skins were pale. Nevertheless, he gave them the breath of life and he let them go into what is now  the Eurasian continent. They were the ancestors of the fair-skinned people. Next he made another set of clay figures. "This time I am going to let them stay inside the oven much longer," he said. Then he went away.

      Upon his return,  he took out the couple from the Great Oven. Their skins were dark. Nevertheless, he gave them the breath of life and set them out into the African continent. They are the forerunners of the  dark-skinned people.

      Bathala thought, "If at first you don't succeed..." and he went  through the same routine. "This time, I know the right amount of time needed to make a good skin color," he said to himself. True, when he took them out of the oven, the third pair were not too dark and not too light. They are the brown people, our ancestors, as the legend goes. So Bathala was pleased with  his latest creations. He thought that because of their size, they would make less trouble, even if he gave them the freedom to do whatever they wanted.

      "Is this true?" my grandaughter asked.

       "Well darling, " I answered with a smile, "It is just a legend,  handed down to me by my mother, who heard it from her mother, and so on, and so on.."

       "Can you tell me some more?" pleaded my grandchild.

       "Sure,  darling. But first we must get ready for bed." 

                                  -OOOO-

THE  CHILDREN  OF THE BROWN PEOPLE

  The children of the brown man and woman, like the children of the others, were fond of adventure. Some of them loved the sea. They built  fast ships called  BARANGAYS which could carry a number of people. These ships sailed swiftly across unknown waters, and eventually  reached what is now known as the Philippines Islands. They found the land green,
with plenty of food and space to build houses. They settled here to become the ancestors of present day Filipinos.

 During their voyages in the Barangays, the passengers developed such a strong friendship with one another. When they landed, they built their houses close to each other, to form one community. They named this community a Barangay to commemorate the ship that brought them in.

To this day, the word Barangay  still  means a unit of Filipino society. A group of Barangays make up a whole town or a city.

 Life during the early days was extremely difficult. They lived near rivers bordered by thick jungles. The rivers provided fish to eat, but it was also the home of gigantic crocodiles. The jungles provided food and wood for building their houses. But it was also the home of wild animals: wild pigs,  venomous snakes, and giant pythons. According to one story, one python was so big that it could coil itself around a
small house.

 Speaking of snakes, the name of Baltog, an early Filipino strong man comes to mind. A legend said that  Baltog was once sent by his father Handiong, to seek for new lands since their kingdom was always  frequented by destructive typhoons. In  his travels, Baltog met and killed many wild animals and strange monsters, except one called  Oriole. Oriole was a giant snake with the head of a beautiful woman.
After its capture, Baltog never had the heart to kill it. So he just set  it free. The monster went into hiding in the jungles of Mount Asug  where they say its children and grandchildren still live up until today.

*******

(MORE LEGENDS COMING)

Downtown Toronto's Skyline

There are lots to see in Toronto, starting at the Eaton Centre. This is the Quiapo of Toronto. For starters, there are lots of beggars many of them young and strong enough to work. ( Many look stronger than me ) They hang around in the busy areas, ( where the cops are sparse ) sometimes in the subway doors where they hold open the door with one hand and hold a coffee cup in the other. No coffee in the cup but change in dimes, nickels and what have you. Well, some say pandhandling can get you about 50$ a day! Can't beat that. But there is no pride in panhandling, I can tell you that. But city folks are naturally kind hearted. So out of towners ( runaways, drug users,  basket cases) would  comprise the bulk of the beggar brigade! Anyways, thats the dark side of Toronto and now that we have touched based on that issue, let us look at the bright side. Assuming you were not turned off by what you have earlier read.

Eatons is not as big as the Glendale Mall in California. Still it is big. There is a food court in the concourse level with the usual smorgasboard of Italian, Chinese and North American fare. Yes there is KFC and the Mc Do.  But if you are sick of these fare in your own home city, you can try the Cafeteria in the adjoining ( and competition ) store; the Hudson's Bay or simply the Bay. The Bay is a nationwide chain, like Penny's or Nordstrom. The food in the Bay is different and the eating premises is not as crowded as Eatons. They have European dishes which are really out of the ordinary, and very tasty too. Not counting the fact the prices are afordable ( even to those panhandlers).

If you want to continue walking though the alleys named PATH  you will find that there is a CITY under a CITY  under the streets of busy Toronto. Exploring this underground city is very exciting because not all  big American cities have this labyrinth of malls, shops and stores that connect several city blocks without the noise and bustle of motorists and pedestrians . But lets talk about this next time...

AN OUTING WITH THE KIDS....

So we went to this steakhouse named ( surprise!) Le Bifteque which is French for something. It was Michelle's birthday party. It is along Dixon road ( close to our house ) and their steak is tender. Feels like it is melting in your mouth. I recommend this place for tourists to Toronto. It is a classy restaurant with very affordable prices.

JOKES

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit p*ssed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Well and truly p*ssed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart a*se.

You

get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .....

" A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

*****************

An American tourist goes on a trip to China.

While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you - you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc."

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."

The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease."

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:

"Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make mo money that way. No need to opelate!"

Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor,"You no wolly! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!"

****************

A DAY IN TORONTO

It was the second day of school, and some University students from Toronto went into a crazy sort of parade around Yonge and Dundas street ( the busiest intersection in the city )in the afternoon of Tuesday, September 6..All were dressed in yellow T-Shirts, wearing hard hats, some painted their faces and upper torsos with purple dye looking like zombies. They marched quickly. One minute they were there, next minute they were gone!A police car passed by quietly, but no altercations of any sort... 

 

From there, I went to the Toronto City Hall and continued taking photos. Check them out!

ASINGAN THE WHAT?

I was chatting with a couple of Asinganian ladies who came to Toronto for a short break. They own a store in Poblacion Asingan and they complained about the new Kings of the Road-the tricycle drivers. She said the drivers seem to have a license not only to drive their noisy vehicles anytime at night but also to scatter garbage anywhere they park.You know, cigarette butts, snack wrappers and a few they say would even piss just right there on the wall of the store..Thus the store owners sometimes would wash out the piss puddles with a bucket of water just to remove the smell.In most cases, it takes more than one bucket to fix the problem..

*****

Property owners also complain that due to the absence of public toilets, adults would just let their children defecate anywhere, the nearest spot so the kid concerned won't soil his/her knickers. An Asinganian  wondered one day about a familiar smell in her premises. She could not see any kind of shit lying around. So she tried the bushes. Eureka! Under some plants is a big pile of the stuff. And it seems it had been used regularly..No I dont think the tricycle owners did it. They are not small enough to creep under the bushes to do that kind of thing.

&&&&&

The last time I was in Asingan, I went crazy hearing the bells. The Catholic church is in the middle of a big tract of land.Besides their bells give out a solemn mellow tone. But the Independent church uses an acetylene tank as a bell ( who would think of this asinine idea?) It gives such an irritating sound that when it's campanero start ringing it, all the dogs in the block would start howling and wont stop until the blessed bell stop its pealing. There is freedom of religion, all right, but there should also be freedom from noise at 5:00 am in the morning when everybody in the neighbourhood deserve additional minutes of sleep.

 

*******

A VISIT FROM LITO DOMAOAN

Angelito Domaoan (or Lito) paid me a visit in Toronto last Labour Day week end. A long time buddy, I mentioned him earlier in the Vic Costes webpage in Pangasinan.org(check Memories of Asingan). He and his party ( Glen, his son, Dia and Eva his 2 sisters ) came to Toronto to visit their aunt, Mrs. Helena Samilin. Lito is now in Jersey City.

So there was this all day party in the Samilin residence and George ( Helena's son ) had fun(!) picking up ( and bringing back ) the guests (including us ).Thanks to George, all's well that ends well. The food was excellent..George has a good singing voice. His Karaoke system is awesome!

Visitors included Remedios Lopez Agpaoa, sister Letty Lopez Salvador, Jenny Isaac Fernando, her husband Lito Fernando and her son Raffy Fernando a.k.a. RF..Thanks to RF too for picking up Miguelita, my wife at the Kipling Kiss and Ride area.

DIARY OF A TRAVELING G.I.

 PART I – THE BALKAN NATION

by Igoy Zaid

Decades ago, when dictator Marshall Broz Tito of Yugoslavia passed away his legacy of communism also died a natural death. What followed was the subsequent secession of most of the States that comprised this once unified Balkan nation. Among them: Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, and most recently, Kosovo. This leaves Serbia and tiny Montenegro as the only ones that make up what is Yugoslavia today.

This once integrated multi-ethnic nation that remained united for so many years under the late strongman was plunged into chaos. Nationalistic fervor stirred in the hearts of every Serb, Croat, Bosnian, Macedonian, and Albanian. Shortly thereafter, it became the powder keg in Europe raising apprehensions of another World War. Thanks to the United Nations (UN) and the allies of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), the ugly civil wars that ensued was put to a halt. The peace pact inked by the warring factions is so fragile that, to this day, NATO peacekeepers still patrol the borders of most of these breakaway States as the situation is still volatile.

Of the States that broke away, only the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (FYROM) managed to dodge a bloody war to win its independence. To avert any adventurous incursions by the dominant Serb-Yugoslav Armed Forces, the country had lobbied the UN into passing a resolution thereby paving the way for the sending of peacekeeping troops into its land.

It is with this backdrop that I was deployed to this Balkan nation in March 1997, as a member of the United Nations Preventive Deployment (UNPREDEP) force under the United States battalion. There were other contingent battalions from other countries as well serving under UNPREDEP like the Norwegian, Finnish, Danes and Indonesians who, like the US, have their own respective commanders and sectors to patrol. The whole operational mission was under the overall command of a UN commander.

Like most central European nations, FYROM is a landlocked country bordered by Kosovo on the north, Greece on the south, Bulgaria on the east and Albania on the west. The capital, Skopje, has been the site of many prestigious international chess competitions. Aside from its famous ruin of ancient temples and castle; the country basically is dotted with steep mountains where the land is mostly rolling. It is bitingly cold during winter and hot and humid during summer. The country is called FYROM and not plainly Macedonia in deference to her Greek neighbor who has a province bearing the same name. Despite its relatively peaceful transition into a sovereign State, this nation of sparsely over 2 million has its own serious internal problems to deal with. Foremost among which, is the one posed by its minority ethnic Albanian population who like the predominant ethnic Albanian-Kosovars, were demanding absolute autonomy in their educational system and a greater representation in the government bureaucracy. These demand; naturally, were met with antagonism from the Macedonian populace. These same issues would later plunge the country into chaos and a short-lived civil war. UN and NATO-led mediation efforts recently paved the way for the signing of a truce between the warring factions. Like the rest of the secessionist States, NATO peacekeeping forces are the ones keeping the fragile peace hold between the feuding parties.

The hostilities and ethnic unrest that wracked this tiny nation was nowhere evident back in1997. Being deployed there was like a holiday. During off duty days, we are given weekend passes to enjoy the amenities of downtown Skopje. We got introduced to a potent beer called Skopsko whose alcohol content would pale in comparison to what we’ve been used to drinking. A typical weekend day for us is shopping at the mall, eating exotic foods at restaurants and topping it all off, a swing to a jazz or R&B bar. Oh yes, they play classic as well as modern songs. If you are the romantic or historical-loving type, there’s the ruin of an ancient castle that sits right in the middle of the city waiting to be explored. Located atop a hill, you need a 15-20 minute trek uphill to get close to this olden fortress that was once home to Greek and Byzantine kings and warriors. The whole Skopje is a sight to behold once you are at the highest peak of the castle. Incredibly, dungeons are preserved and still visible to this day. You see crumbled guard towers or whatever was left of it dot its four corners, all strategically placed enabling guards at that time to see those coming from below as well as beyond. Rumors had it that plans are afoot to restore whatever is left of this historical piece of landmark, which when completed would certainly be a come-on attraction for tourists in years to come.

The population is a mixture of predominant Macedonians who speak Serb, which bears strong resemblance to Russians. The rest are ethnic Albanians, Turks and a handful of gypsies. Most of the adult population does not speak English. Surprisingly, there is not a dull moment when you’re in the city. For example, if one loves jewelry and rugs, the place to be is in the Turkish side of the city. Oh yes, folks, what a portion of Turkish population they got! It’s like being in the markets of Istanbul: the cobblestones lining the walkway, the clustered shops manned by tea-drinking vendors, and the familiar warm smile that greets every shop visitor. The place is littered with stores with a wide array of dazzling jewelries and beguiling carpets. A few of the shop owners speak broken English, but oddly enough, they speak German fluently. A simple knowledge of basic German is to your advantage as one gets a better deal. But nothing compares if you have a little knowledge of the local language, as this offers you the best deal ever. Additionally paying in Deutchmarks instead of the local currency gives you added purchasing power.

For the adventurous, fun-loving thrill-seeking single individual, a trip to the discotheque house is worth its try. Unlike the ones we’ve known back at home, disco houses here are relatively small and cramped. You are literally rubbing elbows with the crowd both on the dance floor and the bar as well. Local women are gorgeous and gregarious while the men are uncompromising and possessive. One must be careful in introducing oneself to a gal without first ascertaining if she is unescorted or not lest, you’re risking a black eye or two.

If one is not in a shopping mood, you can always pamper your palate by eating. Restaurants offer an array of American, European and local cuisine. Have a little drink of wine or Skopsko, whichever is your preference, and enjoy a banter or two with some of the friendly patrons around. It will cost you roughly twenty dollars to enjoy the night out. Hotel? I cannot share any information on this one since we have our own - the Military Post back at the camp. Seriously, you would probably spend in the vicinity of between 15-20 dollars a night on a decent hotel room.

For sun-loving beach-going souls, there is Lake Ohrid about 100 kilometers outside Skopje. Just a 10-minute taxi ride outside the city of Ohrid, the pristine waters of the beach is great for swimming and jet skiing. The fine sand beaches are ideal for sunbathing too. Don’t be surprised if you find a number of women with their tops off basking in the glory of the sun. This is a common every day encounter. Beach houses are available for rent at modest prices if one is planning to stay for a couple of days. Makeshift bars line the beach to serve one’s need either for thirst or hunger. When not in the beach you can busy yourself visiting the medieval monastery at the top of a hill. Overlooking the city itself, it is said that medieval monks from thousand of years ago flocked this place. Ancient warriors loyal to conquering kings later overran it. You can also troop to the middle of the city square where an ancient tree, said to be dating back to pre-biblical times, stands to this day. The tree splits in the middle and points away in opposite directions. Accordingly, a bolt of lightning caused the split. The inside of both halves of the tree appears burnt yet green leaves still grow from the few branches dangling from it. It’s awe in sight to behold.

Six months seem like a longtime to be in an area you haven’t known before, especially for a deployed soldier who is away from loved ones and from the comforts of home. Back then, we were the few ones sent downrange that were authorized liberty passes on off duty days due to the relatively peaceful condition pervading at that time. The little fun that we had was more than enough to forget the boredom and stress that comes along with being deployed. Nowadays, peacekeepers still patrol the borders of FYROM but the rules have changed. Liberty passes are no longer issued. The handicap of not being able to go out nevertheless, translates into lots of dollars saved that would otherwise have gone to splurges into local economy. Personally, the wealth of experience gained from knowing the culture of this proud people and meeting new friends, plus the excitement of seeing a lot of beautiful places is more than a trade-off with the few hundreds of dollars that I spent.

For the civilian tourist wanting to experience a touch of medieval Europe, this is one country you must include in your itinerary. If you are the type that wants to see lots of great places but little money to spend, this is the place to be. Before you make any reservations though, check with the U.S. State Department officials first if travel restrictions are in place or not. Happy traveling!

Next stop, I’ll take you to a glimpse of medieval and modern Germany.--#

 

LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU...(daily joke section)

Super Market mistake

This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde

behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.



He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although

familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do
you know me?"



She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of

one of my children!"



His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,

"Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had
on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped
me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"



"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

##############3