A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
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A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
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First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
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A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
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AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
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